Long Way Home
by IantojJackh
Summary: A groom is taken on his wedding night and does not turn up until months later. What happened in that time he was gone? He is not ready to say. It certianly will be a long way home. Implied whumpage.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: A new story was the last thing I expected to start, but thanks to brainstorming w/ Shadows-of-Realm for Life in the Milky Way this story was born and my mind would not let me push it aside. So any blame for this should be directed toward him. Thanks to him for the beta. **

**Long Way Home by K.A.T.**

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><p>Chapter 1- Bad Beginnings<p>

It was not supposed to happen here of all places or tonight of all times. It was supposed to be one night of escaping the craziness before being thrown back head first into the insanity. It was their wedding night. The happiest night of their lives so far. The groom looked down at it bride, his body firmly resting on top of hers. "The night is young," he lowered his head to meet the woman's swollen lips. Two newlyweds were lost in their own world of bliss, only to have it violently ripped apart.

Strong hands ripped the groom from his bride's embrace. "Leave her alone. Don't hurt her," he begged as he watched the terrified woman scramble to cover her bare skin. He struggled to get free and protect his love, but the hands only dug deeper into the pale skin of his shoulders. He felt the bruises already begin to form.

The woman was scared into silence, tears streaming down her face. The two masked men paid no attention to her as they tossed a sack over her husband's head and bound his limbs together. As fast as they came in, they were gone.

The bride was left alone and crying on her wedding night. She scrambled to put clothes on, but she shook too much to get past one foot inside her pants. Panic and fear took over and the woman fell to the ground, dazed at how quickly everything had changed. One second she was about start a third round of love making with her new husband and in a blink of an eye he was pulled away. She had thought the masked thugs were there to hurt her. An amorous couple with their guard down was an easy target. They did not even pay any attention to her. They knew what they wanted and claimed their target.

After an hour she picked herself off the ground and slowly redressed. It was a dumb idea to spend their wedding night on a secluded part of New Athos, but there was something very romantic about it. Life had been good for too long and they had known it was only a matter of time before something shattered the blissful calm.

Time moved slowly as her feet ran toward the settlement at breakneck speed. "He's gone!" After giving the message the bride collapsed.

When the woman came to she saw the familiar surroundings of the infirmary.

"Hey there. You're finally awake," John reached out to keep the woman from sitting up.

"Did you find him?" The bride's eyes darted around for any sign of her husband, but they did not find what they were looking for. Her heart raced and her whole body shook. The newlywed fought the urge to vomit. "I know your answer." Tears once again filled her eyes.

"We will find him. We are not going to give up. His subcutaneous transmitter has been disabled," John reassured the frightened woman.

"I know," she said numbly and focused on a blank spot on the wall.

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><p>The days passed with no information and the little bit that came in were all dead ends. Soon a month came and went. Hope dimmed with each passing day and by the middle of the second month the official search was called off.<p>

It was only by chance in the fourth month during a routine exploration mission that John and his teamed stumbled upon him, huddled in a ditch. At first he was unrecognizable; skin blackened with dirt, hair bushy and unkempt, beard covering most of his face and the most shocking; he was nothing more than skin and bones. It wasn't until he opened his eyes that the team realized he was not some scared native, but one of them that they never thought they would see again.

"Rodney, is that really you?" Teyla asked softly. She saw a flash of recognition in his eyes, but the frail man backed away from his friends.

"Come on, buddy. Let's get you home. That wife of yours has been worried sick," John reached out for Rodney's hand and jumped back when then man let put a blood curling scream that lasted until the man was spent of energy and passed out.

Ronon nodded wordlessly as he went to pick up the unconscious man, ignoring the putrid smell emanating from him. "Let's get him home."

To be continued…

a/n: Future chapters will be longer than this. Hope you enjoyed this and don't forget to leave a review.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for the ads and review of the first chapter and thanks to Crye 4 Me for the brainstorming help and awesome idea and to Shadows of Realm for the beta. **

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><p><strong>Chapter 2- Home Not So Sweet Home<strong>

When Rodney came to there were many people standing over him, their faces obscured by facemasks. He had a hard time focusing on the hidden faces. The deep part of his brain told him that he was home. That he was safe, but his immediate response was the terror he felt since he was taken on his wedding night. The hands that were trying to help him felt like the hands beat him daily for the time he was held. He struggled against the hands that tried to help them, confusing them for his former attackers.

"Rodney, please calm down. You are safe now. You're home. We aren't trying to hurt you," Carson tried to calm his agitated friend. Nothing seemed to work and the Canadian grew more combative with each passing second. The Scottish doctor could think of only one thing that could calm Rodney. "When do you expect Jennifer back?" he whispered to Marie.

"Later tonight or early in the morning. Depends on the Apollo. She went to Vancouver for Madison's birthday," the nurse jumped as Rodney's foot kicked a tray of supplies, sending the metal tray and its instruments crashing to the floor.

"Ouch, he bit me," a male nurse screamed and clutched his wrist. He had been trying to restrain the flaying physicist when Rodney's teeth sunk into his skin, piercing the flesh.

Carson shook his head. He wanted to avoid using drugs to sedate Rodney, but he was making that impossible and the acting CMO gave the order to sedate the patient. It took three attempts to complete the difficult task.

Once Rodney was properly sedated, Carson begun to examine what kind of injuries and any lasting effects there were from his extended captivity. He hoped for the best, but prepared for the worst. There were many horrible things that could have been done to Rodney and Carson's stomach churned at the thought. It had to be horrendous since the rescued man had not uttered a word and only made several grunts and screams. A normal Rodney would have complained nonstop and berated the medical staff treating him.

Two hours later the exhausted medical team finally finished the exams and had Rodney cleaned up. The only thing they could not get at was the stubborn man's clenched left hand that held onto something he refused to let go.

"Carson, how is he?" John caught up with the cloned man. It tore him up inside to see his best friend in such a state.

Carson shook his head and sighed. It broke his heart to see Rodney a broken man. "Where should I begin? Besides being dehydrated and malnourished, physically Rodney is fine. He lost close to sixty pounds. There is evidence of multiple healed fractures and some scarring on his back and legs. There are also signs of..." he could not bring himself to say it. It was too horrible to imagine what had gone through Rodney's head as he was brutally attacked over and over and what was going through his head now.

"Signs of what?" John did not understand what Carson was trying to say. He could see the pain on the man's face.

"There are some scars that are never going to heal and when Rodney is ready to talk he is going to need a lot of help from everyone," Carson was grateful that Rodney had someone like Jennifer in his life. Getting through this was going to be a true test of their relationship and he was going to need his wife more than ever. The Scott thought that if Rodney was the same person when they first met, the lonely walled up man that he could be forever lost. At least with Jennifer, he had someone who loved him unconditionally and she would do anything to help him heal.

John winced as he got what Carson was hinting at. He shook his head and frowned as he watched Rodney sleep and curl up into a ball. "Why did this happen?"

Carson shook his head, "I don't know. If whoever did this wanted to break him, they succeeded."

"Is there anything wrong with his hand?" John asked, pointed to the tightly clenched fist. He could not look at the man in the bed as guilt ate at his gut, mad at himself that he failed Rodney and Jennifer. He knew that they should never have been given clearance to spend the night away from the New Athos settlement, but Rodney had said he wanted to do something different for his wedding night. If he had said no he would have only had to deal with an angry Canadian for a couple days instead of the months of worry wondering if he was dead or alive.

"Not sure. It's hard to see on the scans with the way he's got his hand. Even with sedation, he won't let it go. So I can't be sure until I run more tests if something is wrong with his hand or if it something he is doing." Carson looked at the man peacefully sleeping, a far difference from the agitated mess he was earlier.

"I'm going to check with Chuck to see if he has any update on the Apollo. This is the news Jennifer has been waiting for," John sighed, knowing it was not going to be that easy: that Jennifer will come home and everything would be back as it were. It was going to be a long road for both of them.

John did not get the news he had been hoping for, no news from Ellis. It looked like the ship would not be arriving until the morning. The military commander left a standing order with Chuck to be informed when the Apollo arrived.

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><p>Jennifer rubbed her neck as she walked the empty halls of Atlantis. Seeing and spending time with Rodney's family...technically it was her family as well... was more difficult than she had expected. Jeannie had questions that could not be answered because even she did not know the answers. Her body demanded that she should head to her room to sleep, but it did not feel right to be alone in their quarters. The tired woman knew there was some paper work to be done, paperwork that could wait a few days. It would be a blessing if she fell asleep in her office, a place that she did not feel Rodney's presence as strong. When in her room, Jennifer usually ended up crying herself to sleep and not having a restful sleep.<p>

It was unsettling how quiet the city was, but she could not expect much for it being the middle of the night. The pitiful looks from everyone had become old a long time ago. It was if they were all waiting for her to snap. Her eyes immediately fell to photo on her desk, a picture of her and Rodney feeding each other cake at the reception. Jennifer could feel their happiness radiating off the picture. It showed no sign of how things would drastically change only a few hours after the photo was taken. "Please come home," she tightly hugged the frame to her chest. Tears rolled down her face and soon her eyes were red and puffy. She was not sure how much longer she could hold on before her hold on reality was lost.

Several minutes passed when Jennifer heard a scream followed by a loud crash outside her office. The noises startled her and she raced out of her office, only catching a glimpse of someone running out. This was the last thing the blonde physician needed and went to investigate the source of the noise. What she saw was an IV pole on the floor, the sheets soiled with vomit and a tablet shattered in several pieces.

Jennifer sighed as she looked at the mess and wondered why someone had just run away from the infirmary. Most importantly she needed to know who and what condition the patient was in and what kind of medical treatment they would need. She picked the patient chart from the foot of the bed and gripped the chart so tightly that her knuckled turned white when she saw the name on the chart. Bile rose to the back of her throat as the young woman read all the injuries. She could not fathom how one human could do that to another, much less her husband. "Rodney?" Jennifer croaked as the chart clattered against the tiled floor.

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><p>Rodney kept on running as soon as his feet hit the floor of the infirmary. The walls of the voodoo lab felt like they were closing in on him and that the machinery was going to come to life and strangling him, starting with the IV pole and it's tubing. He could feel the plastic moving and starting wrap around his skin. That's why he pulled the line out of his hand and knocked the pole over. The tablet that was next to him blinked the dreaded message his attackers drilled into his head everyday: <em>We raped and killed your wife. <em>There was only one place he could be safe and no one could hurt him.


	3. Chapter 3

**a/n: Thank you for all your adds and comments. I greatly appreciate all of them. Please keep them coming. Thank you to Crye 4 Me for her brainstorming work on this chapter and to Shadows-of-Realm for Beta and brainstorming.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3- Those Small Steps<strong>

John was woken up by loud banging on his door and stumbled to open it in a half sleep stupor. "Jennifer," he jumped back slightly, not expecting the woman back until morning. With the angry look on her face John knew why she was here. "You weren't supposed to be back until morning and Chuck was told to tell me when you arrived."

Jennifer clenched her jaw, "Chuck wasn't around when I arrived. You knew?" She had not been a hundred percent sure that the Colonel knew, but his reaction told her all she needed to. "

"We found him about eight hours ago," John mentally cursed the gate tech for failing in his duties. He did not want Jennifer to find out like this, knowing the news should have come from him. "Let's go back to infirmary and check on him."

"Rodney's not there, John," her anger started to boil over. "I'm just curious why no one told me as soon as I got back. Did none of you think that I would like to know that you finally found my husband? I only found out because I went to my office because I cannot stand being in that room without him and I heard a scream followed by a crash and when I went to check it out I saw the empty bed. I saw his chart. All those things they did him," she started to get choked up as she tried to process what Rodney had gone through in the four months the captors had him. "Did he say anything? Why did they take him? Where was he?" As each question was asked, Jennifer broke down a little more and with each question she slammed her fist into his shoulder. The cycle of question, crying and punches continued until there was more crying than questions. The distraught woman could no longer stand and she would have fallen to the floor had it not been for Sheppard's strong arms.

John did not stop Jennifer, knowing she needed to let all out before she could help Rodney start to heal. He knew if anyone could reach Rodney in the world he withdrew himself to, she would be the one to bring him back. "Rodney has not said a word," he rubbed her back in comforting way. "I don't think he realizes he's home to sedate Rodney so that he could examine him."

The sobs slowly subsided and the crying woman wiped the remaining tears with the sleeve of her shirt. It was almost better when Rodney was missing because the knowledge of what was done to him felt worse than when he was ripped from her arms on their wedding night. "All the torture and abuse, how do I begin to help him? I don't know what to do. "

John did not have an answer and he could only offer the simplest solution, "Be there for him. Remind Rodney how much you love him." You should never underestimate the power of love and its sometimes healing properties. The military commander ducked back into his room and reappeared a second later with his radio. "Rise and shine, Radek. Jennifer and I need your help... I know it's later, but Rodney went missing from the infirmary...See you there."

"What did he say?" Jennifer nervously chewed her lip.

"Meet him in the control room in five minutes,"

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><p>Rodney did not know how long he was running for. It took all of the energy he had to reach his destination. Once the doors of his quarters slid shut, the broken scientist went to work to make sure no one else could enter the room. Two minutes later, with the help of a tablet and crystal interface cables the room was locked so only he could undo it. His eyes quickly darted around the room and everything began to spin.<p>

"Eh...No. Stop," he scratched at the invisible bugs that crawled on the delusional man's arms. "Off me," Rodney continued to pull and scratch until blood was drawn. "So dirty...never clean," he whimpered and stared at his left hand which remained tightly clenched. "My precious. They'll never take it."

Rodney felt the walls closing in on him and he could hear the voice of his attacker's echoing in his head: _She's dead. We left the knife in her chest and watched as the life slowly drained from her and as she fought to breathe. _"Why? You should have killed me too." hot tears fell on his sunken cheeks. His heart ached over the lost chance to say goodbye. What he wouldn't give for one last time to feel Jennifer's arms around him and tell him everything will be okay. Even if that was possible he knew it was going to take a lot more than that to heal. Life was at an all-time low. When he was held captive he knew what his day was going to be like and now that he was free he did not know what to expect. He saw a photo frame next to the bed and picked it up in his free hand to examine it. "Why?" the scientist was confused why someone would put one of his wedding pictures in the room. Did someone put it up while he was in the infirmary? It was the only logical reason he could come up with. Even being home, Rodney felt he was still being tortured. The broken man clutched the picture to his chest and let out a gut wrenching wail. It was time that he could finally grieve for his wife. It was the one thing he would not allow his captors to see.

Rodney's legs gave out from under him and he fell to the floor and a dam of emotion broke forth. "I'm sorry. It's entirely my fault. I failed to protect you. Please forgive me." It did not take long for his vision to become clouded with tears. "My angel. My heart," his finger traced over the outline of his bride. "Please forgive me for failing you. This is my punishment. No redemption for me."

When there were no more tears left to shed, Rodney pulled himself off the floor and returned the picture its original home. With his head hung low, he made his way to the bathroom. Once he arrived the scientist carefully peeled away his clothes, refusing to give up the hold on the treasured object in his left hand. Rodney shuttered at his appearance in the mirror. His eyes and cheeks sunken into his face made him look like some grotesque mask that was worn on Halloween. Where there once was once fat and muscle now he could see bones poking through the skin. Then there were the bruises only he could see. The real ones healed a long time ago. There was a time where the bruises covered most of his body. Those were the nights he laid on the flimsy mattress that smelt like feces, urine and vomit left to bake in a sweltering summer day and he begged for this life to be taken. It was a smell that still lingered in his memory and the scent of a freshly cleaned towel was foreign, almost new to Rodney. Which is why he spent several minutes inhaling the clean linen scent.

Rodney reached over to the faucet and turned on the water, adjusting the temperature to the coldest the shower would allow. He hoped that the cold water would numb the emotions that were at war for dominance. For at least ten minutes he let the freezing water wash over his body. It was a successful mission as it felt like ice coursed through his veins, making him feel alive and dead at the same time. With his back pressed to the wall, the shivering man slid down and curled into a ball and let the ice assault continue.

"Sorry…so sorry," he mumbled repeatedly.

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><p>Radek pointed to a dot on the screen, "This is the only place that makes sense."<p>

Jennifer blew out a long breath, "The one place I did not think to check." Perhaps Rodney was more aware of where he was then she thought. There was no reason a life sign should be registering in her…their quarters unless it belonged to Rodney.

"Thanks, Radek," John gave the man a pat on the back. "Come on," he jerked his head to the left. The Colonel did not want Jennifer to go alone, just in case Rodney had a bad reaction to seeing her.

The weary woman nodded and moved with post haste toward her quarters.

The two made it in record time and were in front of the doors in one minute flat. Much to her surprise when Jennifer passed her hand over the sensor it beeped, denying her access.

"Huh? What?" Several more attempts yielded the same result. Then Jennifer resorted to knocking on the door, "Rodney!" She yelled out, hoping to get him to open the door. After several tries and the door remain closed, the wife's concern for her husband grew ten-fold. She had no idea what state he was in and what he was capable of. After months of waiting for him to come home she did not want that door to open and find him dead on the other side.

John was worried too and he tried to pry the door open with his hands. It resulted in his hand hitting the frame with enough force to make him think he might have broken his hand, but the door remained closed. "Zelenka, come in again." John tapped on his radio.

"Da?" The scientist yawned as he answered the call on the way back to his room.

"Rodney has put some lock on the door and Jennifer cannot get in and he's not answering the door. Plus, I think I broke my hand trying to pry it open," John pulled his hand away as Jennifer tried to look at it.

"I'm on my way," Radek hoped it would not take long to hack whatever lockout he put on his room.

"Why would he lock the door like this?" Jennifer was clearly confused and distressed by everything. She knew she would have to get it together by the time that door opened. The last thing her husband needed was her to be unhinged as well.

John shook his head, "No idea." He could not begin to fathom what was going on in Rodney's mind after everything. He could see the worry on Jennifer's face and almost felt what she was thinking, "Don't even think that. He's not going to resort to that now that he has come back to you." It was said as much to convince himself as her.

Radek arrived and immediately went to work. There was no need for words to know how serious the situation was. He saw Jennifer pacing in circles out of the corner of his eye and John was rocking back and forth on his feet as if he would explode if he was not moving. It took a half hour to hack the complicated lock on the door. "It's done," the Czech sighed as the door slid open.

Jennifer did not bother with a thank you as she rushed into the room. Her heart stopped, expecting the worst and was relieved when she saw the discarded clothing from the infirmary and heard the noise from the shower. The physician turned around to see John right behind her, "I need to this alone. I'll radio if I need anything." She saw Sheppard's uncertain face. "He's my husband and he needs me," Jennifer had to let John know this was a time where Rodney needed her to save him. This was not some off world mission where he could fight something and save the day. This was something inside that John was not as well equipped as Jennifer was to save when it came to Rodney. He did not share the impenetrable bond the couple had.

John stepped back and stood at the threshold of the room. His guilt over not being able to protect the couple on their wedding night made him feel the need to be there to help his friend, but Jennifer was right. She could offer him the help he could never provide. The kind of help only one who shared a soul could offer. The door slid close and John hung his head and sighed as he looked at Radek.

Jennifer followed the sound of the water and froze at the doorway of the bathroom when she saw the curled up figure under the spray of water. Her hand covered her mouth to cover the shocked gasp from being heard. What was written in the chart had not prepared her for seeing the emotionally and physically frail man. "Rodney," Jennifer tried to get his attention. "Rodney," she called out again and still got now response. Before she knelt next to him, the physician shut off the water. "Rodney," she said again as she put her hand on his back and was shocked at how cold his skin was.

Rodney yelled bloody murder when he felt a hand upon his back. It took another minute to register who the voice belonged to. A hallucination created by his mind to either torture him or let him say that last goodbye. The frightened man slightly lifted his head to see if his hallucination was visual too. "My angel," he whispered.

"That's right," she placed her hand on his cheek. Jennifer frowned when he flinched, but it was to be expected after the torture he went through. "You don't have to be scared anymore," she tried to reassure her scared husband. "I'm here for you now. Let's get you out of the shower," Jennifer reached for a towel to wrap around Rodney.

"I'm sorry. So sorry," Rodney moved instinctively toward the inviting embrace. His head came to a rest on her lap and he shuddered at how real it felt. "All my fault."

"Sorry for what?" the concerned wife asked as she gathered Rodney the best she could. "None of this is your fault. You're home now. That's all that matters. We are going to get through this. I'm here for you, my heart," Jennifer rocked the man in her arms and pressed her lips to his forehead for a tender kiss. Looking into Rodney's eyes was like looking into a black abyss. No light shone in or out. It was just a cold empty nothingness. She was not sure if his shaking was from the cold or from being scared, but had a feeling that it was a combination of both.

"How long do I have you for? How long are you staying?" He just wanted to know how long he had before his angel would disappear leaving him truly alone.

Jennifer was confused by the question and frowned when it was asked, "I'm not going anywhere. You have me forever." Her lips were now firmly attached to Rodney's forehead as her heart silently fractured into countless pieces. "You are freezing. Let's get you warmed up and dressed," she tried to stand and was glad when Rodney stood with her.

"Forever?" Rodney's face was filled of confusion and doubt. How could she be here forever if she was dead? The scientist allowed himself to be lead to the toilet where he sat down with the lid closed. _Hallucinations always tell you want you to hear...except that one time with Sam in the jumper. _

"Of course. Until death do us part, remember?" There were moments where Rodney seemed perfectly lucid and the next he was in his own world. Jennifer quickly dried him off.

The panic-stricken man closed his eyes and shook his head. "Why does it still hurt?" Rodney questioned. If Jennifer was going to be with him forever that could only mean he was dead too and for being dead everything felt too real.

"I'm going to help with that," she cradled Rodney's face between her hands. Jennifer hoped she was doing a good job, hiding how upset she was.

Rodney held up his clenched fist and held out the closed hand, "It doesn't fit anymore."

"What doesn't?"

"This," he opened his hand for the first time in a while to reveal his wedding band in the palm of his hand.

Jennifer had the faintest hint of a smile on her face when she saw the ring. It was the one thing he held onto throughout the whole ordeal, a small beacon of hope. "I'll fix that," she took the platinum band from Rodney's hand. "I'm going to get some clothes. I'm only going to be gone a few seconds, okay?"

Rodney nodded and thought since this was his hallucination that it would be okay for her to go away for a short while. He sat as if he was a blank slate awaiting instruction of what to do next. "Don't go to sleep and she will stay. She'll be gone the minute you fall asleep," he muttered over and over. The astrophysicist had to do all he could to stay awake so his angel would not disappear.

Jennifer appeared a few seconds later with a set of clothes and a beaded chain like one used for dog tags. "This should do the trick," she slipped the ring on the chain. "So it will always be close to you. I'm going to put this on you. Is that alright?"

"Okay," he replied in an uncertain voice.

"Is that better?" she clasped the chain closed and let the ring fall over his heart. Jennifer waited for the nod before proceeding. "Do you need help getting dressed?"

"Okay," Rodney said in the same way as the last question.

It took every last bit of strength Jennifer had not to breakdown. If she ever came face to face with whoever did this to her husband she would probably kill them with her bare hands. Her Rodney was locked deep within the shell of the man in front of her and the wife would stop at nothing to unlock him and bring him home. Jennifer was not so naive to think that Rodney would ever be himself again but she wanted to bring some of his former shine back. She was careful as she dressed the broken man, jumping when he did. When Jennifer was done she stepped back and sighed as Rodney was swimming in his old clothes. "What do you want do now? Get something to eat? Are you tired?"

"No. No. No," he shook his head almost violently. Sleeping meant that she would be gone and it was taking every last bit of energy Rodney had not to pass out from exhaustion. Stubbornness was good for something sometimes.

"How about we lie down at least," Jennifer was exhausted and she knew his body language enough to know Rodney was too. "I can scratch your back. I know how much you like that."

Rodney nodded and shuffled his feet as returned to the bedroom. "You look like an angel. Are you an angel who has come to take me home?" he paused, looking down at his side of the bed.

"You are home," she knelt on her side of the bed and held out a helping hand. "They can't hurt you anymore."

The scared man took the hand that was offered and got into bed. Rodney got under the covers, the feeling of his own bed was an odd sensation; one he never thought he would never feel again. As soon as his wife was next to him Rodney reached out to study her face. "So I don't forget," his fingers gently glided over every contour of the woman's face as if it were the first time.

"That's okay," Jennifer's voice cracked on the verge of tears. "Take all the time you need."

"Just one last night. One last night to feel your arms around me," The voice was small as if it belonged to a sacred child afraid of receiving a beating for asking the wrong question.

That was all it took to break the dam holding back her emotions and the tears freely flowed. "You don't even have to ask," Jennifer's arms drew her husband close. "You never have to ask," she repeated as she kissed the top of his damp head.

Rodney held onto the warm comforting body for dear life, not sure how much longer his mind was going to allow him this peace. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you," he whispered just before the tears started to fall, masking his words.

A tightness gripped Jennifer's chest as the tears soaked through her shirt. "I love you, Rodney McKay," her tears fell upon his head. "I will be here for you every step of the way." She fell into a pattern of lightly scratching Rodney's back while whispering soothing words until his breathing evened out as sleep finally consumed him. It was not until Jennifer was sure Rodney was asleep that she allowed herself to get the first restful sleep she had in months.

**TBC…**


	4. A New Day Dawns

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and adds. I know this is a bit darker than my other works, but in the end this is about the power of love to aid in healing. Thank you to Crye-4-Me for the brainstorming and to Shadows-of-Realm for the beta work.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4- A New Day Dawns<strong>

Jennifer looked at her husband sleeping next to her. For the moment he looked so peaceful, a far cry from when she first found him in the shower. He had whimpered and cried out several times during the night and it took rubbing his back and whispered reassurances to lull Rodney back to a calm sleep. She was not sure how much longer he was going to sleep, but she knew his body and mind needed the rest and she hoped that on some subconscious level that he realized that he was home and safe. At this moment she really had to go the bathroom and Rodney's grip on her shirt was making it an impossible task. "Rodney, you have to let my shirt go," she whispered, trying to pry his hand from her shirt one last time. The only response was a slight whimper from the sleeping form as her shirt was finally free. "I'll be right back," Jennifer lightly kissed his forehead and headed to the bathroom.

Rodney's eyes slowly open and his heart sank when he saw he was alone. He knew it was too good for his hallucination to last. "Why can't I be with my angel? Someone take me to her." An intense wave of panic washed over the physicist when he saw his left hand empty. "They took it. My last part of her is gone. Why? Why must they continue to torture me?" he felt cold metal brush against his chest and it made the confused man jump. Panic gave way to confusion when he pulled the chain with his wedding band on it from under his shirt. Panic came back when a crackle from the radio startled him and a voice on the other end called for Jennifer. "No...no," he repeated several times over until he grabbed the ear wig and crushed it. "Make it stop. Please make it stop," the fragile scientist cried as he drew his knees to his chest and began to rock back and forth.

Jennifer's blood ran cold when she exited the bathroom and saw the state of distress her husband was in. "What's wrong? What happened?" She got into bed next to Rodney and hugged him tightly.

"You came back," Rodney sounded surprised. "I thought my angel had gone for good."

"I was only gone for a few minutes," she stroked his hair. "I only went to the bathroom. I'm sorry." Jennifer tried to soothe Rodney's worry.

"Bathroom?" he asked with a measure of uncertainty. It made no sense why a hallucination would need to use the bathroom.

"Yes," Jennifer said slowly. "I should have waited until you were up, but I couldn't hold it anymore."

"I don't understand," Rodney tilted his head to gaze at the woman before him. "Why would a hallucination need to use the bathroom?"

"Oh, Rodney," the words further broke Jennifer's heart. "I'm not a hallucination. You really are home. John finally bought you back to me."

Rodney pushed himself away and shook his head violently, "No. You are not real." He punched his head several times, cursing the rational side of his brain for trying to talk itself out of letting his fantasy live on a little longer.

Jennifer did not know how much more of this she could take before she broke down. She knew she had to be strong and hold it together for Rodney, but seeing the person you love in such a broken state was soul crushing. "What did they do to you?" A couple of stray tears rolled down her cheek but the last thing she wanted to do in front of Rodney was cry.

The confused man tilted his head to the side when he saw the tears and reached out to wipe them away. Rodney flinched when he felt that they were real and then watched in wonderment as he watched the liquid roll down his finger. "How? They killed you. They told me how," he cautiously reached out to feel the warmth of her cheek. The cautious fingers lightly traced the contours of the face never thought he would feel for real again. It slowly registered that the woman in front of him was not a hallucination but the real thing.

Jennifer took a deep breath and shook her head, "They didn't do anything to me. Whatever they said they did to me were lies," she placed her hand over his. It was a step in the right direction that Rodney no longer thought her to be a figment of her imagination. The lies his captors told were the least of the injuries they inflicted upon the scientist.

"Lies?" Rodney took in a deep shaky breath. There was doubt in his voice as his hands made their way into his wife's golden hair. The soft tresses easily fell between his fingers. With the simplest of touches a surge of feelings exploded through his frail body. A warm feeling of contentment enveloped Rodney's darkened soul. His body was making him recall all the positive emotions that went along with playing with his wife's hair.

Rodney drew the hair to his nose, letting the scent of Japanese cherry blossom permeate his senses. For the first time in four months a hint of a smile found its way onto the scientist's face. It was not easily noticeable, but anyone who really knew him saw it. "My angel is real."

"Yes, I am," Jennifer's heart soared at the recognition. She saw the smallest trace of his former self starting to push its way to the surface.

The blissful calm did not last long as the doorbell in the room chimed and Rodney recoiled in horror. Any progress that was made was gone in that second. "They are here to get me," the extreme terror returned.

The chime dinged for a second time. "You tricked me," the frightened man sprung from the bed and moved with cat like agility to a corner of the room and huddled in the fetal position, rocking back and forth and whimpering as if he was in pain. The sound of the doorbell was not particularly loud, but something in its tone evoked the extreme response.

Jennifer's head spun as fast as Rodney moved. She did not know where to go first; help Rodney or answer the door. After the third time the doorbell chimed, she chose to answer it since the sound it made was the source of her husband's agitation.

Annoyed at the disturbance, Jennifer opened the door with a loud huff. "Are you crazy?" she was clearly a woman that was pissed off. "You should have radioed before you came."

"I did," John felt like he was just scolded by a teacher for misbehaving in class. He wanted to check on his best friend and didn't expect to be chastised by his wife. "Your radio shorted out like someone broke it," his finger pointed to the crushed piece on a bedside table. The Colonel's stomach twisted when he saw Rodney rocking and crying in the corner. Part of his military training took over as he had concern for Jennifer's safety. No one knew what Rodney or anyone in his situation were capable of. "Are you sure it's safe to be alone when Rodney is like this?" Asking the question was regretted as the physician had a large scowl and looked like she was about to launch into a long winded rant.

"He was perfectly fine until you rang the bell. I think he was about to open up to me," Jennifer clenched and unclenched her fists. She opened her mouth to yell when a horrific scream came from Rodney. It was the kind of scream one could imagine that could be created if someone was being operated on without anesthesia.

"You. You are the one who pressed that pillow to my face and bought me to the brink of death every week," the voice did not sound like Rodney but that of a man possessed by a demon.

**To be continued...**


	5. A Sliver of Truth

**a/n: Thanks for all following this story. I know it is quite darker than my other pieces. You can blame and thank beta-extraordinaire Shadows-of-Realm who initially planted the seeds for this story.**** Also have to thank Crye 4 Me for a nice chunk of the brainstorming of the fine details. I am putting a warning up for this chapter as there are gruesome things mentioned, but nothing is graphic. Please leave a review. **

**Chapter 5- A Sliver of the Truth**

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><p>John felt a chill invade his veins at the tone and accusations Rodney just made. He had no idea why he would say that and it hurt. "Rodney?" he questioned.<p>

"Stay away, murderer," Rodney yelled in a high pitched scream. "Murderer," came more screams in rapid succession, blurring the more times they were said. Before anyone had a chance to react, the enraged man had sprung across the room and his hands wrapped around John's neck with a vice-like grip. He had every intention of robbing the man of the air just like the countless times the man had done it to him.

John struggled to break free, but the more he struggled the tighter the grip became. Trying to pry Rodney's hands away only enraged the distraught man even more. "Rodney, stop." He barely got the words out. Sheppard tried to look at Jennifer for help. If anyone could talk Rodney down it would be her.

Jennifer knew she had to do something quickly before the situation go more out of control than it already was. "Rodney, baby, look at me," she tried to force his face to look at him, but he was fighting it.

"No, get off of me. He has to die. He tried to kill me. He must pay," Rodney's voice wavered. Tears formed at the corners of his eyes as he felt some vengeance for what he was put through.

"John didn't do anything to do. Let him go. Rodney, please let him go," she knew he was not thinking clearly and he would only feel worse whenever he regained his senses. "Come on, baby let your angel take care of you. Are you hungry? Do you want to go back to sleep?" Jennifer whispered as she put her face close to his. "I don't want you to hurt him. Please let him go. As much as it hurts inside hold onto me that tight," Jennifer whispered against his ear.

His wife's words finally got through to Rodney and he released the hold on John's neck. He stumbled a few steps before he extended his arms to Jennifer.

John had no idea what Jennifer said to get Rodney to get him to let go, but was glad it worked. He gasped to catch his breath as his back collided with the wall. His lungs and chest burned as it almost felt like the hands still were gripping him. There was more to this than anyone knew and the only one who could tell them could not. He knew Woolsey would consider Rodney a high liability and danger at this time, but locking him up would only hinder his healing and it seemed like Jennifer was able to calm him down. The Colonel first had his doubts when Jennifer said Rodney was okay with her, but with the way he held his arms open, begging to be held by her, John was relieved that Rodney was letting Jennifer comfort him. With as lost and walled up the ordeal made Rodney, it was the bond between the two souls that let the shattered scientist to allow his other half to help.

Jennifer sighed with relief and immediately pulled Rodney into her arms. "I'm not going to let anyone hurt you," she winced as Rodney held onto her tighter than he ever held on before. "I know it hurts," she buried her face in the side if his neck. The lump in her throat made swallowing impossible. It felt like his pain was being transferred to her. The female Dr. McKay doubted that she would have been able to survive all the torture and abuse her husband went through. With a tear streaked face, Jennifer looked up at John. "I'm sorry," she mouthed, watching the dark-haired man rub his neck. The skin was red and she could make out the handprints. The physician in her wanted to check and make sure John was okay, but the wife in her would not let go of her shaking husband.

John knew it was time to make his exit because Jennifer had the situation under control. Before he left the room, the sore man turned around. "The reason I came by was to let you know I was going to have a video conference with Jeannie and if you wanted to come, but he needs you more." With that John left to make the call he knew Jeannie had been waiting for, the news was not going to be the best but Rodney was alive.

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><p>"I don't want to hurt anymore. Why won't it go away? I feel him kicking me, over and over. It just won't stop," Rodney's voice was full of pain as if he was being kicked hard in the gut.<p>

"Who's kicking you? Where's he kicking you?" Jennifer was going to let him take the lead on this. If it was going help, she would do anything for him.

Jennifer needed to evaluate if the pain Rodney was feeling was real or if it was something his mind was creating. The scans taken upon his arrival showed no abdominal trauma and she hoped that this was not something that was missed, knowing that going back to the infirmary would be very detrimental to his psyche. "Come and lie down in bed. Let me do a quick exam," she led Rodney back to their bed and assisted him down.

"Make it stop," Rodney curled into a fetal position and started to shake like he was having a seizure, but it was clear he wasn't by the haunting wails coming from him.

For what felt like the millionth time since Rodney came home, the distraught wife's breath caught in the back of her throat. An anger never felt so strong before bubbled up inside, causing an urge to hunt down and slowly kill the people who put her love through this. Jennifer climbed into bed and held Rodney tight from behind, whispering encouraging words to get him to calm. "Show me where it hurts. Show me where they hurt you."

"My stomach," he howled and doubled over as if in real pain. "He won't stop. Ronon won't stop. Here," Rodney reached for his wife's hand and placed it over spot where he left the endless kicking. "Can't you feel it?"

"I don't feel anything," Jennifer's voice cracked with the raw emotions of anger and sorrow mixed. "I want you to do something for me. Do you want to do something for me?" She did not understand why Rodney was accusing members of his team of being the people attacked him. There had to be a reason for it and figured it was something done on their quest to destroy her husband.

"Okay," the frightened man said a little reluctantly.

"Close your eyes, tightly. Take a couple of deep breaths," she whispered as calmly and soothingly as the situation would allow. Jennifer carefully slid her hand out from Rodney's and slid it under his shirt to touch the bare skin of stomach where there once was the barrier of his shirt a moment ago. "You trust me right?" the physician saw him flinch at the initial contact and sensed his hesitation over the gentle, intimate moment.

"The only one," Rodney's voice was full of fear. He was uncertain what his wife was up to, but somewhere in the nether regions on his mind he knew Jennifer was the only one he could trust not to hurt him.

"That's good," the wife whispered as she felt the tension slowly dissipate. "Now close your eyes," Jennifer repeated. Once they closed, a small smile appeared on her lips, "Try to relax. I know that's hard, but just try a little for me."

"I'll try," he relaxed slightly. "I'm sorry. This is all my fault. This isn't right. You shouldn't have to do this," he tensed up again, worse than before.

"This is not your fault. Don't even think that. I'm not going anywhere. You are my husband and I love you. We promised to be there for each other in good and bad times. When you hurt, I hurt," Jennifer placed a small kiss on the back of his neck. "You have me forever. I'm going to be here for you every step of the way. To hold you when it hurts too much and when the bad dreams won't go away. To give you a shoulder to cry on when you need to let go. To lend you a smile whenever you need it. To give you my heart so you know I will always love you no matter what."

Rodney slumped back against his wife as he let her words seep into the cracks of the wall he had put up around him. "Love you..." his voice trailed off, sounding almost like his old self.

The Wisconsin native was glad to hear those words, knowing those evil people had not completely destroyed him. She was glad to feel that he was relaxed and she could do what she had planned. "When you feel that kicking again I want you to close your eyes and think of what this feels like," Jennifer started to draw random patterns on Rodney's stomach, something she used to do when they were lazily lying in bed at night or when he had an upset stomach. "Remember what that feels like?" she had hoped that when the bad memories surfaced that he could work through them by replacing them with good ones.

Rodney nodded as he no longer felt pain. "Feels nice. Don't stop," he was glad to feel something other than pain for once and he did not want it to end.

"I won't," she reassured the man.

With each passing pattern, Rodney relaxed a little more and his body drew closer to sleep. "I killed them. I killed them all," he muttered softly before falling asleep.

* * *

><p>John ignored the looks he got on his hurried trip to the gate room. He knew the marks from Rodney were quite visible, but it was no one's business how he got them.<p>

"Everything okay, Colonel?" Richard pointed out. "Should I even ask?"

"A little accident. Everything is under control. Is everything is set up?" John brushed off the concern, Rodney was where he needed to be and he did not want to take him from the one person who could help him.

"Chet is ready to dial. You can use my office if you want some privacy," Woolsey offered knowing that not many people knew the full extent of what happened to McKay. The least he could do was offer if Jeannie was ready to hear it.

Sheppard smirked at the face Chuck made at being called the wrong name. "Chet, you heard the man. Dial the gate," he tapped the back of the man's chair before heading to the privacy of Woolsey's office. It was the closest office to the gate that would offer the privacy he needed.

Jeannie had been a nervous wreck since she got the call from the SGC saying they had news on her brother, but they could not tell her what. Every possible scenario popped into her head and she had the distant hope that when the image popped up on the screen that it would be her brother's face she would see. She was not surprised when she saw John face. The worried sister could not tell if the news he had to tell was good or bad.

"We found him," John got straight to the point. "Rodney's alive." Though he was not sure if he would say that it was really living at this point.

Jeannie bought her hands to her face and the tears started to pour down, "When? Where? Is he okay?" There were so many more questions she had, but those were most important.

"Yesterday. We were doing standard recon when we found him. None of us recognized him at first," John's voice cracked. "Physically he will be fine." He did not know where to begin with everything else.

"What aren't you tell me?" she nervously chewed her lip, knowing there was a lot he was not saying. "What happened to you neck? When can I talk to him?"

"You can see that?" John wanted to avoid the other questions. "It might be a while before you can talk to Rodney. He's the one who did this by choking me. He thinks I tried to smother him. I've never seen him like this. It's really bad."

"Just how bad is it? Who had Mer? What did they do to him?' The rapid questions kept coming. Jeannie had to know, but she was terrified of the answers.

"We don't know who or why of why he was taken. Rodney really isn't talking. They did a lot to him. There was evidence of healed fractures and cuts and bruises all over. Carson thinks he was abused daily and I don't just mean physically and emotionally," John could not bring himself to speak of the sexual abuse.

"Don't say anymore," the horrified woman's crying got worse and it angered her that her brother's friend's failed him majorly. Part of her wanted to strangle John for the part he played in Rodney's disappearance. "You didn't lock him up for attacking you? Please say you didn't."

John was taken aback that she would even suggest that, "No. Of course not. I know I'm to blame for letting him get taken in the first place, but I wouldn't do that to him. Jennifer is with him in their quarters."

"Of course you are to blame. You should have just said no to them," the McKay in Jeannie allowed her to speak exactly what was on her mind. "I just want to know when I'll be able to see my brother."

Sheppard had to hide the pain the true words made him feel, "You are going to have to ask Jennifer about that. As of now she is the only one Rodney will talk to and let within five feet of him. I guess she is the only one he feels safe with. When I left their room, he was holding onto his wife as if his life depended on it."

The fact that her brother had his wife to help was the only thing that kept her from making the trip to Atlantis. Jeannie knew that if anyone could reach Rodney where he locked himself away in it was Jennifer. "Can you give me an update in a few days to let me know how Mer is doing?"

"I can do that," John looked up and saw his team plus Lorne gathering in the gate room below. "I have to go. We are going to investigate the planet we found Rodney on."

"Thank you, John."

John walked away from the computer and joined Ronon, Teyla and Lorne in the final preparations of mission. The team knew well enough not to ask Sheppard how Rodney was doing or how his conversation with Jeannie went. They knew it had to be bad with the marks on their leader's neck. "Let's go and make them pay," was the only words John spoke before entering the wormhole.

* * *

><p>Once on the planet the team walked several minutes before Lorne was the first to speak, "I'm picking up one life sign two clicks to the northeast." The device he held had one blinking dot that told them they were not alone.<p>

It did not take long for a building to come into view as the life signs detector closed in on its target. "You think that is where they had, McKay?" Ronon readied his gun preparing for anything that may surprise them.

"It's too quiet," John remarked as he kicked the door in.

"I smell blood," the Satedan's tracker sense kicked in. "Something is not right."

The tension blanketed the group, each one sensing something was off. That is when they saw it, the body at the end of the hall.

"Um...sir you better have a look at this," Evan was the first to reach the body.

"What the?" John was speechless as he looked at himself lying on the floor with a knife wound to his neck. His only thought was that Rodney's accusation made sense now, whoever was behind this wanted McKay to think his friend had attack him.

"John, you better get in here," Teyla's fearful voice came from the room to their left.

Things only got more twisted when they saw Teyla and Ronon's bodies with the same knife wounds.

"What is going on here?" Ronon did not like the idea of looking at his body, dead and on the ground.

"I don't know. I don't like this one bit." There were too many possibilities of why their doubles were lying on the ground to think about. "We should find who's here and get those answers."

More questions were raised when two more bodies were found in the next room. Their injuries were different than the rest.

"That is not possible," Teyla stared down at the beheaded body of Michael. "He is dead. He died years ago," the Athosian's blood ran cold at the possibilities.

The last body was too gruesome to look at for more than a second. The most severe mutilation was reserved for the Rodney double. Castration was the least horrific thing done to the body.

They knew how Rodney escaped, a fight to the death where their friend finally won his freedom.

"Help. Is anyone there?" A voice called from down the hall.

The four paused at looked at each other, wondering if they all heard the same voice. It was impossible. It had to be more tricks of the bizarre building they were in.

"Please, if you can hear me, I need help. My name is Dr. Elizabeth Weir."

**To be continued…**


	6. Closer to the Truth

**A/N: **Another one I haven't updated in a while and so I present you the latest chapter. It's been hard to write a story this dark. Thanks to all those who have continued to read this. Don't hesitate to leave a review. Thanks to Crye4Me for the brainstorming. This is unbetaed as this is sort of a belated b-day gift for Shadows-of-Realm and it so happens my b-day is tomorrow.

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><p><strong>Chapter 6- Closer to the Truth<strong>

John watched as Carson examined Elizabeth in the iso room below deep in thought. There was only one reason why there were doubles of his team as well as the unexplained reappearance of Michael and Elizabeth. He was waiting for the tests to confirm his suspicions. It was obvious the murdered doubles and Elizabeth had to be clones since Michael was involved. Could a Wraith or whatever Michael was be cloned? Did Rodney savagely murder the bodies they found? It certainly did not sound like the friend who, but he did not know what the four months of torture and abuse did to the man and what Rodney was capable of.

So many emotions bubbled to the surface the moment John heard Elizabeth's voice calling out to be rescued on the planet. When her arms went around him the moment they opened the door, many sealed wounds burst open. Sheppard could only watch through the glass as Carson finished the exam. "What's the verdict?" he almost pounced on the man the minute he entered the room.

Carson had a blank look on his face as he tried to absorb all the information he obtained about Elizabeth and the bodies found on the planet. "It seems like Michael never gave up his research on cloning. He was one himself. I can only assume that Michael had some safeguards in place and when he did not return his clone was activated, born or whatever you want to call it."

"So...Elizabeth too?" John knew there could be no other explanation, but the question still needed to be asked.

"Yes. Her too Colonel, but she is different from the others. There were certain chemicals missing from the other's brain. With them being dead, I cannot say for certain what effect the lack of the chemicals had on the,. But, Elizabeth is not missing any of those chemicals."Carson went onto explain.

"But, Doc...if you had to give your best guess." There were so many questions that needed answers and the answers would be hard to come by.

"I really don't want to speculate, but generally people who are deficient in those chemicals generally are more susceptible to power of suggestion. The lack of it could make a person do anything they are told without any emotions. With me Michael showed that he had limited control over influencing my behavior. Those clones were probably like organic robots, following every command given."

"You mean like torturing Rodney to think his friend's had turned against him? The only person he is letting anywhere near him is Jennifer. He tried to strangle me earlier and I think he would have if it weren't for her. That was before we knew about the clones. Rodney killed them didn't he?" John knew his friend rarely used violence, but there was a brutality to the death of the clones that could only come from complete carnal rage.

"It makes sense, but I cannot be a hundred percent sure. The only way we will know is if and when Rodney is ready to talk. Is Jennifer safe with him? Do you think he could have a violent outburst directed at her?" Carson was very concerned for everyone involved and began to wonder if Rodney belonged in isolation as well.

"No. Jennifer was able to talk him into letting me go. There was something about the look he had on his face after he let me go and the way Rodney held his arms out to her. With as jumbled as everything is in his head he knows Jennifer is trying to help. He's not going to hurt his wife," John could not stop staring through the window at Elizabeth. "What is the last thing she remembers?"

"She said the last think she remembers before waking up in that cell was getting ready to leave for Earth to go to the inquest," the cloned physician began to explain. "But she left before the rescue mission. Michael must have gotten a sample of Elizabeth's DNA off of someone."

John had a good idea of where the hair came from, "What are you implying, Doc?" He did not mean to get defensive, but that part of his life he had put behind him a long time ago. It was reopening long healed wounds to see Elizabeth sitting in the room unaware of what she was and what happened to her. Most everyone in the city had accepted the cloned Carson as one of their own again. Would the same thing happen to Elizabeth? Would she want to pick up her life where she thought it left off?

"That maybe there was a strand of Elizabeth's hair on someone," Carson did not expect someone to jump down his throat. "She was asking to speak to you. You can go in if you want. I have to check on Rodney and Jennifer."

"Be careful. Rodney doesn't react well to visitors."

"I will." Carson nodded and grabbed some supplies. The worried physician wondered if Rodney outburst was because of in Rodney's mind that John was one of his torturers. Perhaps he would fare a little better.

* * *

><p>John watched the Elizabeth clone for several minutes before entering the room. It moved just as graceful as the real Elizabeth did. How was he to explain that she was a clone? Did she know how much time passed since she last stepped foot inside the city? The confused man made his way to the room and as soon as the door was opened, Elizabeth's eyes were upon him.<p>

"John!" Elizabeth jumped to her feet, fighting the urge to throw her arms around him. She had wanted to do that for the months Michael had her. "What's going on? Why am I in an isolation room?"

He was visibly torn on how to respond. John had already mourned for his Elizabeth and this was bringing up many unpleasant memories. He lifted a trembling hand to touch the face he had missed so much, but stopped just short of touching it. "It's complicated."

Confusion creased ever inch of Elizabeth's weary face, "How did Michael get onto Atlantis to kidnap me? The last thing I remember is saying goodbye to you before I was supposed to leave for Earth?"

"Michael never made it to Atlantis…at least at that time." John could not meet her gaze. This was all too much. Between Rodney and now Elizabeth this was the start of the worst week ever. "How long did Michael have you?" his fists clenched and unclenched repeatedly.

Elizabeth found that an odd question to ask. He should have known how long she was missing. "A little over four months." Another realization hit her, "There was someone else there. Michael had someone else." She would never forget the horrid screams that she heard on a daily basis. Screams that begged for death and with the last day being silent she wondered if her fellow captive got their wish. "The screams I heard," Elizabeth visibly shuttered at the memory of the sounds.

"I know," John tried to keep a straight face and failed. He still blamed himself for what happened to his friend.

"Did you rescue them too? Are they okay?" The concern was classic Elizabeth. The distress on John face made Elizabeth think something else was going on. She knew the man too well to know he was doing his best to hide his emotions of something horrible. "Who was it?"

"Rodney."

"Is he?"

"No. He's alive."

"How can you let that happen?"

John stared blankly, stunned that the question had been asked. It made him feel a thousand times worse than he already did, "I've asked myself that countless times the last four months. This could have all prevented if I had told them no." His voice cracked as his buried emotions bubbled over.

"Them?" Elizabeth was clearly puzzled.

"Rodney wasn't taken on M8G-352. That happened a while ago... A long while ago." The truth would was too hard to talk about.

"How long? How did Michael get him?" During the silent paused she could still hear the horrid screams of a man being tortured. "He's going to need someone to help him through what Michael did him."

"Rodney has someone helping him. He's only letting one person within ten feet of him," John was still avoiding answering all the questions.

"It's good that Katie is there to help. I had no idea that the screams I heard were from Rodney." Tears pricked the corners of his eyes. "What was done to him?"

"Some pretty horrible things."

"What are you leaving out?" Elizabeth was tired of the feeling that there was much more to the story than John was letting out. "Just tell me."

"Elizabeth, it wasn't been months. M8G-352 happened almost five years ago. Rodney was taken from the Athosian settlement four months ago. I blame myself for it because I should just have said no when..."

"Five years!" Elizabeth exclaimed, in shock. There was no way she had been missing for that long. "It couldn't have been. Months not years passed. This is not possible." She refused to listen to anymore of this nonsense talk. "Then why does it seem like only months have passed."

"That is when Michael activated you." It was the not the most tactful way to explain the situation but he really did not have a choice.

"Activated me?" Elizabeth snapped, her eyes narrowing. What was she some kind of robot?

John lowered his head and blew out a long breath. "Carson should be the one to explain this."

"Carson just left so why don't you explain it me." The fear could not be missed in her voice. The former base commander knew John was never good at expressing his emotions, but she thought they had reached a turning point before she was taken. If what John said was true and five years had passed there was no telling what changes his life had gone through without her. Had he moved on and gotten married?

"A clone. You're a clone. Michael has...had a knack for making clones. He did the same to Carson."

"Carson is a clone" The news was hard to digest and the somber look on John's face left no room or joking. "That explains why you are distant." The clone figured he had an Elizabeth to go home too and he was here to gather information. "You should leave and go back to your wife." After five years she had hoped they would have taken that step.

"You would think with as long as we have been here that we would have had more than one birth and one wedding." Humor was always a good way to deflect the truth. "And I'm not a party to either. Unless you count my roles of godfather and best man."

It scared Elizabeth that she knew John better than she knew herself, knowing he was never good with the emotional stuff this had to be almost impossible to deal with this as well as whatever happened to Rodney. "You think this is hard on you? Imagine what it is like for me to know I'm not real. Why am I not here talking to myself? Is she up there, watching us?"

John chewed his lip, "No. She's dead." The blunt truth was the best course of action.

"That's not something to joke about," she reached out to touch John's face, but he flinched just as her fingertips brushed his cheek.

"It's not a joke. I wish it was." John had made his peace with losing Elizabeth and having her in front of him ripped open healed wounds. "The replicators attacked the city with an energy weapon and Rodney and I came up with the idea to fly the city to escape the attack. During lift off the beam from the weapon grazed the control tower just as the shield was raised. She was hurt real bad and we were going to lose her when Jennifer and Rodney came up with the plan to reactivating the nanites."

"Jennifer?" Elizabeth was overwhelmed by what happened and the only thing she could question was an unfamiliar name.

"She took over for Carson after he _died_. She has been in charge ever since. A lot has changed." There was part of John that wanted to take Elizabeth into his arms, but the woman he loved was dead. She was only a copy.

"Then why was Carson the one treating me?" She knew protocol was for the CMO to be in charge of cases like this.

"She is on personal leave inside the city. You see...Jennifer is married to Rodney and she's the one taking care of him. They were on New Athos for their wedding night when Rodney was taken."

Elizabeth nodded and sat in the nearest chair. She had a hard time grasping that she was supposed to be dead and life had moved on without her. The arrogant scientist was one of the last people she had imagined getting married. "What are they going to do to me?"

"I don't know," he answered truthfully. "We haven't had a chance to discuss it yet." It was cold to talk about the situation this way especially if she was like Carson's clone and most in the city have accepted him as Carson or something close to that. Maybe with time everyone would do the same with Elizabeth. "I've got a meeting with Woolsey and Radek. I'll be back later." He slowly headed toward the door.

"Wait don't leave!" Elizabeth reached out and pulled the retreating man back to her. "Stay." She needed to know if somewhere deep inside of him with the feelings were still there. In her mind they were still a couple, a secret known only to Rodney and Carson. Throwing propriety and rules out the window Elizabeth attacked John with a hungry kiss.

* * *

><p>Jennifer watched her sleeping husband, wondering what he meant by his words before falling asleep. She was about to doze off when Rodney sat up and quickly got out of bed as if he were very frightened. "What's wrong?"<p>

"Bathroom," Rodney struggled to keep the pants that were now several sizes too big up.

"Okay," she made a mental note to have some smaller clothes delivered so Rodney would not struggle to keep them on.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that." The level of paranoia grew tenfold and the tension broke by a rumbling of Rodney's stomach.

"Do you want me to get you something to eat? Are you hungry?" Jennifer was relieved it was not something more. She was staring and figured he could use some nourishment too.

"Hungry; yes. Don't leave. Have food bought here. Please don't leave me." Rodney looked like he was going to have a nervous breakdown if left alone.

"I'll radio someone in the mess hall to see what they can send over," Jennifer gently reassured him, knowing the staff would make the exception to help them out considering Rodney's fragile state.

"Okay," Rodney lowered his head and shuffled toward the bathroom. The overwhelming sense of anxiety and dread seeped into every pore and again invaded the defeated man.

Jennifer took in a deep breath to prevent herself from crying. It was taking every ounce of self-control to hold it together as she had no idea if she was doing enough to help her husband. He had only been home two days and he seemed to be teetering between falling over the edge and never coming back.

She had just tapped her headset to see about getting some food when the loud shattering of glass was heard from the bathroom and Jennifer was on her feet racing to the bathroom before her brain had time to process anything.

**To be continued…**

**a/n**: Yes, the idea for taking a John/Elizabeth sidetrack is just for S-o-R who has put up with my ideas for a while now and this is a little thank you to him.


End file.
